A Heart Like Granite

Established: 1. build on a firm or stable basis 2. to enact, appoint, or ordain for permanence

This last Sunday my daddy preached on an established heart. It's really stuck with me. An established heart has been something greatly lacking within my life. In James 1:6-8 it says, "But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."  Doubt, the thing that once planted and ignored can grow like the sticker-burrs out in South Texas. What's worse if you don't completely remove them and protect the soil they'll come back eventually. My life has been filled with doubts and each one a seed that has been ignored for much of my 22 years. I suppose my experiences here in college just made it worse. I'm still a Christian and I believe most everything I've been taught since I was a little girl. Yet, the mistakes I've made have only further fueled the growth until the past couple of months I've wondered what I'm doing here in Kerrville, at Schreiner, just all around wondering. It's been frustrating and painful. Perhaps that's why the sermon has just stayed with me- it was the right thing at the right time...God knew I needed it. I need stability. I need constancy. I need an established heart and the only way I will develop it is through faith (and thus action) in the Word. I want to get to the point where I am completely convinced of God's will that nothing, and I mean nothing, will deter me from fulfilling it. No hurt, no silence, no time, no doubt, no lie, nothing. I want a heart like granite. Not in the hardened sense but in the sense that granite is well concrete. It's stable, unmovable, firm, unyielding to pressure. It doesn't give in. It's established.

A letter from war

A Wish
"I wonder as I watch the moon
Bump noses with a star
Are you watching too?
Or is it dark and rainy where you are,
And when I turn a radio dial
and hear some song that's new
I wonder if off where you are,
You might be listening too.
Do you day dream as I day-dream,
And miss me, too, my dear?
And when I'm wishing I were there,
Are you wishing you were here?
Your letters help a lot,
Each page is full of charm,
But, darling, they aren't quite enough,
For letters don't have arms."

The poem my grandpa sent my grandma while stationed in San Francisco getting ready to be shipped out during WWII.