When it all comes down to it.....

I wonder if I'm just trying to find a way to get out of it all. I just want somebody to save me....to stop me.....but no one will. We're all caught up in our own lives...not caring about each other.... I'm just as guilty of it as others but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if I can't take care of myself and others. So I've just become consumed in my own problems not trying to reach out to anyone else. It seems easier that way.......No it doesn't seem...it is easier. Wrong? yes....easier? yes..... I'm just tired of doing this. I want to be free but I'm scared of God. He created me and I'm all screwed up. I hurt people. I'm spiteful. I'm mean, rude, and selfish. I live in a world of self pity and an intense desire for attention. (Evidence of the latter quite obvious right now...sigh) I want to be free but I don't think I ever will. Shrug. I'm kinda just locked in this cell of black walls with little to no light coming in. Whatever. That's the way this cookie is crumbling. I'm just gonna have to accept it and move on. Welp, hope ya'll have a wonderful day! :)

Full....

Of thoughts. I don't even know what's going on. I want so much but I'm scared of the very things I want. Sigh. It's sad because my life is not my own...but I want it to be. I'm tired of living my life in relation to this world...and not getting anything for it. Why do I have to care about anything? I keep seeing myself dancing free under the stars....arms thrown out....just twirling.....as someone sits there watching my silliness but loving it all the same....haha....Its a silly dream. I know. But I want it so badly. There's a song by Blue October with a line in it that says "I only want you to see my farorite part of me....and not my ugly side." How pathetically true. I've noticed when I show my "ugly" side people can't accept it....So I've learned to not show it. Build walls around your heart.....and build them wider and thicker around the parts that you know people won't like. Hide them....the world has taught us so well. And even Christians fail in that area. We don't accept people as they are anymore than the world accepts us or each other. How sad. How horribly wrong. I'm including myself in this. I've noticed how often I've been talking to people about other girls and I say I don't like them....I don't know why I don't...I don't even know them...I just don't like them. And I'm appaled by my arrogance. I need to get over it and not judge them before I even know them. :S Sigh......Well that's just a look into the psycho mind of Kathleen.....haha....hope you enjoyed it!