What does it all mean?

The past couple of days...actuall the past couple of weeks have been strange for me. There's this knowing inside me that I'm on the verge of something but I can't quite get my mind around what exactly it is. I finished reading Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot yesterday on the way home from Oklahoma. It has given me so much to think about. Like what does it mean to actually be in love? And not the world's view of love but God's view. I used to think, "oh just look at I Corinthians 13 to know what it means to love someone." Yet, as I've grown older I'm discovering that it's not the answer I'm looking for. Chapter 13 explains, to me at least, what it means to be a Christian. To love the world through God's grace and help. Perhaps I'm wrong....in fact I probably am....yet, I've looked at that chapter time and time again with no discovery of what it means for a woman to love a man or a man to love a woman. The world says, through movies and books that I'm supposed to feel butterflies and the world is supposed to spin every time I see a person. That there are supposd to be fireworks and sparks and the intense longing for that person and no one else. Your world becomes consumed by that person. Yet, is that how God meant for His ordained relationships to be? If you don't feel those things does that mean your love is wrong or silly or not meant to be? Or does God's love mean something else? Is it more of a quiet strength that you give each other? Do you look at that person and even when you feel as if you could walk away you never will because you know within everything in you that that person is the one you're supposed to be with? I don't know...What I do know though is that I would rather have a love quiet and unassuming that lasts throughout my life than one quick burst of fireworks that die out quickly.

Silent Death and Screaming Life

Same heart, same blood wake up to say goodnight

No work spoken only breath is shared

Alive and yet suffocating

They look in the portal searching for truth

The window clouded by years of deafening silence

No communal love or affection shared within

Just hearts stretching, yearning, dying to touch

The burning desire no hand reaches out

No true word spoken

Understand killing like a shot gun, a knife to the heart

Wake up to see the blood flowing from a beating heart

Cofusion sweeps out the discord and makes its home in the hug

Touch and feel its warmth

Hearts meet and create icy fire consuming the lives of the forgotten

And steals the breath of the observer.

-2008-