So I just finished watching "Jane Austen Regrets." A relatively glorious redention of her life. It was in short....amazing. Sigh. Poor poor Jane. I guess that is the whole point of the movie was to make you pity the poor woman. It worked for me. Sigh. I've been thinking (yes, I know the mind is a powerful and wicked thing) about the question of whether or not I'm "called" to be married. Quite honestly I don't know. Granted I AM only 19 going on 20. Relatively young to be thinking about swearing off men forever. Yet, I've come to see that I am so different! Sure some people feel that there is beauty in difference but I've come to see that the beauty is only found in the acceptance of that difference and so far acceptance has been found few and far between in my life. I guess in the end it is to be expected. This lack of.....admiration. I'm not the admirable sort. (Haha..I love how I'm using very....Austeny words...."admirable sort" and "wicked") Anyway. No, I'm just a plane jane who speaks her mind and thoughts and what's she's feeling without a thought or care to how it affects other people and on top of that I'm a Charismatic Pentacostal. Oohhh....how that has made such a HUGE difference in my life. Causing most who get to know me to draw back in.....incredulation. They don't understand nor do they many times want to understand. Oh well. My point of this is that IF I'm meant to not marry then I want to know it. I don't want to live my life in pursuit of some phantom that will never matierialize. How exhausting that would be spiritually and emotionally. Shrug. Who knows what tomorrow may bring??
PS- I really wish I could handle all of Jane Austen's wordiness. Then I would read her books. Sigh.
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