My long lost twin.

"I"m not sure if Lent 2020 will see me giving a self-satisfied sermon about how much I look forward to my reading fast. But I do think I will give reading up again next year. Giving up books for six weeks did not just leave me with more free time. It did not just save me some money. It also left me starkly alone with my life. I read, I think, for many reasons. I read for information, I read for pleasure, I read because I want to figure out the craft of putting a sentence together. But I also read to numb any feelings of despair or misery that might creep my way. Sven Birkets once wrote, "To read, when one does so of one's own free will, is to ake a voitional statement, to cast a vote; it is to posit an elsewhere and set off twoard it. And like any traveling, reading is at once a movement and a comment of sorts about th place one has left. To open a book voluntarily is at some level to remark the insufficiency either of one's life or of one's orientation toward it." Even before Lent I had suspected that I use reading just this way, as a tonic or escape route. In late February, I wrote something in my journal about reading. "I feel myself entering a morose funk over this." ("This" was, of course, a man.) "I recognize this funk not because I want to sleep more or eat more, but by my desire to do what I always do when I get funked out: burrow into some feel-good small-town novel I've read a dozen times.....It seems to be my always-cure." During Lent, I don't have that always-cure, and I find myself, not suprisingly, praying more. At first I pray more because I have time on my hands. TheSaturday after Milind and I had our diner breakfast, I was at home. I had finished my word and gone out to dinner with a friend. Then I had come back to my apartment, listened to some music, taken a bath, brewed a cup of tea, make a phone call, and generally felt aimless. I had nothing else to do. I said Compline. And I have said it every night since. I don't have anything else to do. But I also find myself praying more because I don't have my usual distractions. When I am stuck in a puddle of sadness and mistakes, I cannot take them to Midford. I have to take them to God. I begin to suspect that Milind didn't want me to give up readind just because it was the equivalent of some dearly loved green sundress, but because it might move me closer to Jesus. It might move me to my knees."

Girl Meets God by Lauren F. Winner, Copyright 2002, Alconquin Books of Chapel Hill

Oh I'm sure that anyone reading this is thinking, "ok seriously Kathleen what in the world is THIS?!" It is my long lost twin...... ;) Totally kidding. Yet, this woman has just described in nearly perfect detail the truth behind the joy of reading....at least for me. For us book junkies who read to pass the time, to fill time, to lose the time and to forget the time. So many people look at me when they see me read and find it.....strange. They ask me if I read....gasp....for fun?! Well, yes and no. I read to find another place to live. My imagination is such a nice place to live.... Just kidding. Well, kinda. haha.....I read this and just knew that it described me almost to a T except for the Lent and giving up reading and saying the Compline (what is that?!) parts. Anyway. As this is mainly a public diary of my thoughts......here are my, rather short, thoughts on this section of an amazng book. Read it. Seriously.