Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
No Clarifying Clause
I was watching an assigned YouTube video by Michael Wesch called Love and Marriage in the World Today. He is an anthropology professor who is presenting on what it means to be in love and married in today's society. Well, he presents a short clip from an Indian man who is explaining how parents convince their children to accept arranged marriage in the Indian culture. The young man states that one explanation parents give is comparing marriage to that of eating a sugar cane. He points out that the part of the cane that has the most sugar concentrate is at the bottom and as you work your way up the sugar's strength is slowly diluted with water until at the very top it is only water. These parents point out that love marriages are like eating a sugar cane from the bottom up. At first there is a lot of love and good feelings but the longer you are with the person the less "sugar" there is while with arranged marriages you start out at the top with no sugar but the longer you are with the person the more "sugar" you find, as you work your way down the cane. It struck me. Perhaps there is some wisdom in distance?
Dr. Wesch tells the story of Triston and Isolde (the real story, not the movie version lol.) According to legend they drank a love potion and that is what caused them to fall in love...it was not of their own choosing. When Isolde's nurse finds out what they did she tells them, "you have drunk your death." Triston, after the potion has taken affect, tells her- "If by death you mean the agony of life, I'll accept that...if by agony of being discovered...I accept that as well...if by death you mean eternal damanation in the fires of hell...I accept that too."
Now I realize that this is just a story but to an extent isn't that how we have been taught to view love? Love seems to be synonymous with agony, extreme sacrifice, death, hurt, etc. Aren't those are the most "romantice" stories? The Notebook, Triston and Isolde, Beauty and the Beast, and the Little Mermaid...just to name a few. Someone is always hurt in the most romantic movies. I listen to people talk about how they don't like their significant others talking to the other sex because they view most of the opposite sex as "a potential threat." Why?...Because our view of love is tainted...
The other night the thought came to me- lust promotes bondage and conquest while true love promotes freedom and equality. I believe the best definition of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
I feel that the world's definition of love would go something like this:
"Love is patient...but when you've had a long day a little impatience is to be expected. Love is kind...of course if that person REALLY messed you over...well...then it's all about getting even. Envy shows you're desperate...but hey aren't we all desperate?! As for boasting- well if you did well...why not?! Ah, pride...that's what helps you stay safe... And that self-seeking part- if I don't watch out for myself who will?! The last part is just....unrealistic...always is a big word and equivalent to "a lot of work" and I already have a job."
Yet, there are no clarifying clauses in 1 Corinthians. Paul didn't say love always trusts...except when that hot girl is talking to your boyfriend...then you better go slap that chick before she sinks her teeth in your man because he might not be able to keep his hands off. Nope, he said love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Is it a high expectation? Most definitely. Can you do it on your own? Of course not. That's why God set the standard that high, so we would turn to Him and learn to experience the ultimate love.
Now I'm not saying arranged marriages are the answer. Yet, I'm saying perhaps we should re-think our defintion of what it means to love someone (and not just our significant other but also our parents, friends, siblings, etc) The Indians who have arranged marriages commit before truly knowing what it means to love the other while we commit to the other because we love and then when the feeling is gone because he snores, she can't cook, he works too much and she gained 20 lbs after having your children...well, then, the doubts start in- "maybe I could have found someone better...if I had just waited a little longer would Prince Charming or Sleeping Beauty have come into the scene?" Love gets hard and the marriage starts taking on water like a sinking ship and we jump before we even try to get the water out. We take the easy version of love, bouncing from love to love, hoping that one day the perfect one will magically bring out every good quality in you for the rest of your life. It's a nice thought but pretty unrealistic. We expect others to make us into people that only God can create.
So the question is- what is your definition of love?
<3
Dr. Wesch tells the story of Triston and Isolde (the real story, not the movie version lol.) According to legend they drank a love potion and that is what caused them to fall in love...it was not of their own choosing. When Isolde's nurse finds out what they did she tells them, "you have drunk your death." Triston, after the potion has taken affect, tells her- "If by death you mean the agony of life, I'll accept that...if by agony of being discovered...I accept that as well...if by death you mean eternal damanation in the fires of hell...I accept that too."
Now I realize that this is just a story but to an extent isn't that how we have been taught to view love? Love seems to be synonymous with agony, extreme sacrifice, death, hurt, etc. Aren't those are the most "romantice" stories? The Notebook, Triston and Isolde, Beauty and the Beast, and the Little Mermaid...just to name a few. Someone is always hurt in the most romantic movies. I listen to people talk about how they don't like their significant others talking to the other sex because they view most of the opposite sex as "a potential threat." Why?...Because our view of love is tainted...
The other night the thought came to me- lust promotes bondage and conquest while true love promotes freedom and equality. I believe the best definition of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
I feel that the world's definition of love would go something like this:
"Love is patient...but when you've had a long day a little impatience is to be expected. Love is kind...of course if that person REALLY messed you over...well...then it's all about getting even. Envy shows you're desperate...but hey aren't we all desperate?! As for boasting- well if you did well...why not?! Ah, pride...that's what helps you stay safe... And that self-seeking part- if I don't watch out for myself who will?! The last part is just....unrealistic...always is a big word and equivalent to "a lot of work" and I already have a job."
Yet, there are no clarifying clauses in 1 Corinthians. Paul didn't say love always trusts...except when that hot girl is talking to your boyfriend...then you better go slap that chick before she sinks her teeth in your man because he might not be able to keep his hands off. Nope, he said love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Is it a high expectation? Most definitely. Can you do it on your own? Of course not. That's why God set the standard that high, so we would turn to Him and learn to experience the ultimate love.
Now I'm not saying arranged marriages are the answer. Yet, I'm saying perhaps we should re-think our defintion of what it means to love someone (and not just our significant other but also our parents, friends, siblings, etc) The Indians who have arranged marriages commit before truly knowing what it means to love the other while we commit to the other because we love and then when the feeling is gone because he snores, she can't cook, he works too much and she gained 20 lbs after having your children...well, then, the doubts start in- "maybe I could have found someone better...if I had just waited a little longer would Prince Charming or Sleeping Beauty have come into the scene?" Love gets hard and the marriage starts taking on water like a sinking ship and we jump before we even try to get the water out. We take the easy version of love, bouncing from love to love, hoping that one day the perfect one will magically bring out every good quality in you for the rest of your life. It's a nice thought but pretty unrealistic. We expect others to make us into people that only God can create.
So the question is- what is your definition of love?
<3
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