Somewhere along the way, Hollywood, and sometimes Church, has told us that Love is a simple affair. If this is “the One” then there will be no pain, no struggle, no differences, no complications, and once the dragons in your lives are slain, then you will live life enjoying endless appreciation (a wife that constantly showers you will respect and admiration and appreciation, never has PMS, never gets cranky, and is always in the mood, and cooks for you every night and all the rest). And girls get told the same thing, if this is “the One”, if this is True Love, he will learn how to dance, come to adore his mother-in-law, buy flowers every week, learn to play guitar, become a pastor and buy you a bigger house and newer car than any of your girlfriends have. He will not only be as spiritual as Billy Graham, but also be very successful in business and a hopeless romantic at home-and you’ll also have perfectly well behaved children that stay cute forever and never become teenagers. In effect, his armor will never get rusted and Cinderella will never scrub another floor or face another evil stepmother again. For the guys, in effect, she will always be ready to ride off into the sunset with you, never challenge you to polish your armor when its getting rusty, and to fight any other dragons for her.
This is not only false, but it is also damning. If we search history, hairytales, scriptures, and media, we will find only ONE person in the entirety of human history, and even human stories (films, novels, etc) that truly understood love. What did He say about love with His actions? Love is sacrifice. What did His followers say about loving a woman? Be willing to lay down your life. Sacrifice everything even though you could be made a fool in the end if she divorces you or doesn’t appreciate it, which makes a man very vulnerable. What did His followers say about a woman loving a man? Be willing to follow where He leads even if you think you know a better way (which is a huge sacrifice for a modern woman and makes her very vulnerable).
If we are to Love, if we are to fight off the MULTITUDE of dragons in each others lives CONSTANTLY (men have their monsters under the bed as well, and a little feminine tenderness and respect/appreciation is the nightlight needed to keep it at bay),then we must be willing to bleed like a Knight.
Ever notice how nobody ever gets wounded in the fairly tales? In real life, that doesn’t happen. Dragons have teeth, and claws, and breathe fire. When you decide to fight for someone held captive by anything (low-self esteem, impossible media expectations, childhood trauma, unsatisfying job, illness and injury, or just the disappointment and despair common to mankind) you WILL get burned, bitten, and clawed. There is no way around it. As men, we only fight the battles we are certain we will win, because nothing is worse than returning home both wounded AND defeated, double-shame. The problem is that there are few enemies left defeated so easily, a little battle is only a little victory, and with it, only a short-lived and uneasy peace. To face the demons in life, in a way that they’re not coming back, will require you to take a few blows-sometimes to your ego, sometimes to your career, sometimes to your finances, sometimes to your heart. Jars of Clay sang it true- ‘Love Breaks the Back of Foolish Pride”. If you fear getting your heart broken, fear losing everything in the battle, fear looking like a fool, then you will never be free to Love. Love and fear are opposites, you can’t serve both of these masters. Courage is not pretending or believing you’ll never be hurt, courage is accepting these things are necessary risk for something well worth the chance at being bitten, clawed and burned, where it hurts you in the most vulnerable and broken places- pride, respect, your old wounds, your capability, competency, your Heart. Or for a woman, she might have to risk her beauty and tenderness in being rejected. In order to keep the monsters under her man's bed at bay, to return him to her, she might have place the best medicine in her porcelain heart, and set it into a raging river, and hope that it makes it down the shore to where he is licking his wounds in order to bring him home. All the whole hoping her fragile heart isn’t once again dashed against the stone as it has been before.
The Heart is a good thing, in the past we have been told “it is wicked above all things”, but once you come to faith in Messiah, then you are given a new heart, one that guides you into the battles that you can win though they come at great price, one that gives you courage, one that can truly love. This new heart in you is capable of fighting, and the heart of someone you love, is worth fighting for, its worth risking new wounds being made and old ones being attacked. To be her Knight, you must sometimes bleed like one. Small battles are only small victories that bring a short lived and uneasy peace. If you want lasting peace, you’ve got to get up close and personal, right where the claws and teeth are ready to rip you to piece, and chop its head off.
Love and Live with Truth and Honor,
Article by Brian Newman
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