Old Maidenhood

Ugh. So stuff hasn't turned out the way I've thought it would for the past month and a half. haha When does it ever though right?? I don't know. I realize that God will show me the man He wants me to marry when He's good and ready and not a moment sooner.....I just wish I was on His time schedule. I wish He would take away this intense desire to marry until the right time. I guess I'm really struggling with bitterness directed toward Him. I DO NOT SAY THAT PROUDLY! I feel absolutely terrible about it. It's not right. I'm just tired of feeling as if I'm the only woman who will never marry....of becoming some old maid. Hurts my heart. Ever fallen in love with someone you've never met? Well, don't. It is quite possibly the worst thing you ever could do for yourself. ad;lkjfa;dlkfja;dlkfjariuohtfbnmclaskdfgjn.

Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost.

Well tonight I got to go to the last night of Word First. I'm not sure if words can describe the change that has come over me in the past month and half...perhaps even in the past couple of months. My heart is so full I'm not really sure where to begin. I guess I should begin with the fact that I'm laying my life down for the sake of Christ. I will now and forever be the instrument that God uses to complete the necessary tasks He desires to be done here on earth. I was kinda reluctant to say this before but then I tonight during the service my eyes just rested on Hebrews 13:5 &6 "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we may BOLDLY say: " The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" Man, I'm just loved into silence by that. It was funny because as I walked into that building on campus it just hit me: the church I attend is dedicating a week of their lives to God on MY campus....in the VERY SAME building, the VERY SAME room where Chapel is held every Wednesday night. It really did hit me...like a ton of bricks. Then toward the end of the service I just knew I had to say something about it to Pastor Wimberely and if he was willing to the congregation. So I told them. I claimed in Jesus' name that they were setting the tone for the rest of the year (and every year afterward that they continue to use the Caillioux) for Chapel. I write this as a way of holding myself accountable in what I feel that God has called me to be on campus- His light to a dark world. The healing salt in the wound. The burning brightening light in the darkened room. I am confident that so long as I pour out my life for God, He will fill me continously with everything I need. You know- we serve an awesome God and the sooner we all realize this, the sooner this world will be changed for the benefit of God's kingdom. :)

Lead Me to The Cross

Well it's the third day into the new year and its already been interesting. For any of you girls who are ever asked to give your number to a random co-worker here is a word of advice........don't. In pursuit of being nice I have put myself in a very awkward situation that I pray goes away very quickly. Sigh. Anyway. I've almost finished another book by Eric and Leslie Ludy. They are officially my new favorite authors. This is the second book I've read of theirs and just as the first did- this one cuts me to the core. Amazing. It's called When God Writes Your Life Story. If you have ever looked over your life and felt that you were meant for something more this is the book to read. I kid you not. Also I totally suggest listening to Lead Me To The Cross by Hill Song United. I put it on repeat and let the words dig deep down into my heart. :) Sigh. I always plan on writing more but once again.......I want to finish reading my book. :) <3