My entire life I have struggled with focusing on one particular change at a time. You see I'm one of those people that will start 4 projects and struggle to complete them all. I never really thought about this habit o'mine till tonight after church. Tonight the pastor spoke on platforms and how self-denial helps establish our God given platform even more. I have discovered I stink at self-denial. If I want it, I buy it. I feel it then I act on it. I have fed my flesh for the past 21 years of my life rather consistently. Oh sure there are things I have denied of myself such as drinking and drugs but those aren't the real struggles for me. As I've said before, there comes a time in your life when Satan stops tempting you with so many choices of good or bad and starts to tempt you with good and better, better and best. I have struggled with this. It's when it comes to the harder things that I usually choose the easier option- feed the flesh. Yet, I have become so completely disatisified with that way of living. It's too easy. There's no real story in it. There's no real victory in it. Who wants to read a fairy tale where there is no bad guy? There is no struggle? There is no triumph? If you're constantly feeding your flesh where is the struggle? Where is the triumph? The past couple of months I have slowly been pondering this thought but I have focused on so many other things that I haven't dealt with the real issue.
So I have decided to focus. James 1:8 says, "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. " If I'm am divided amongst my issues I will never complete anything of importance. Perhaps this seems a little dramatic to you but I know me and I'm my own worst critic. In focusing on one thing, for example, work on self-denial, I will develop a stronger foundation for my life. I want to get my life all straight and figured out in one swoop of God's broom but that's not how He generally works. It's one step at a time. One block at a time. One stroke at a time. Just as He fouses on one issue, so should I. This self-denial thing is definately something He has been trying to teach me for the past couple of months.
Romans 12: 1 & 2 says, " I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Every moment of my life I have to choose to present myself as a sacrifice on the high altar of God. I have developed the habit of just not climbing on that altar because I know I'll climb down eventually. Yet, as I have mentioned before I need to fight. I need to fight for my place in this world. For the person God made me to be. I may climb down every now and then but I need to start developing the habit of climbing right back on that altar. Then I need to let go of the world's point of view and develop within myself God's point of view. His ways are not ours and His thoughts are higher than ours. I do this by studying God's word. It is His word, written by Him for our benefit. By reading His word I discover the heart and mind of God. This will further help me to develop self-denial in myself. It is then that I will have a even more clear knowing of God's will in my life.
The first step though to this jorney of self-denial is, ironically enough, self-denial. I need to start in the small things. When I get angry and just want to cuss I need to shut my mouth. When all I want to do is lay down and sleep and not do my homework I need to stay up a little longer. When I get frustrated with someone instead of allowing that anger to lead to offenses I need to pray for them. When I want to buy a new dress that I don't really need I need to walk away. These probably sound like very simple things but they have been so hard for me to do. Yet, I need to remember that Luke 16:10 says, "he who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much..." If I can learn to deny myself little things then I can learn to deny myself of even greater things that God requires of me.
It's going to be interesting to see where God takes this but as always it'll be an adventure.
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