When I Say I Do...

is the most amazing love song I think I've ever heard. Anyway enough about all things mushy and gushy...no point. Blegh. Sometimes I feel that romance is W-A-Y overrated. Yet, I guess that's mainly because I've yet to find the man God wants me to marry...perhaps that's my first problem. I don't need to find the guy. God'll bring him to me. I just need to sit here and take it all in. Blegh. I've even gotten to the point where I don't care.....except when I watch or read a dumb love story....which I've done a lot of both lately. :S Seriously those things are just meant to make women feel inadequate. Anyway. Sorry. I'm just little down on the romance side of life today. lol Life at camp has been good since the last story I've told. ;) On Monday we had Seminar day. I taught beauty school....or actually it was more like....oversaw Beauty School. lol There wasn't much teaching going on. It was more of a doing class. hahaha Boy the 6 yr olds girls went NUTS with the eye liner and lipstick. It was pretty freakin' adorable. I'm doing well. For some reason not sleeping super well but oh well. I'm making due. Things keep happening to me lately that just drive me....well...they make me super confused...Sigh. I hate it. I wish I had more clarity in my life. Honestly I've gotten better at just not thinking about things...until night of course. lol Oh well. Tonight is Afganbananastan-big word with a big meaning. ;) It's where the campers have to run from one end of the camp to the other without being seen by counselors. If they are and don't hit the deck before we say Afganbananastan they have to go to "jail." Plus we get to shower them with water! hehehe Apparently it is the best night of camp. I'm pretty much looking forward to it! I hope I get my 2/4 approval soon. I really really want to go to church. Sigh. Well I'm off to get dressed for tonight. <3

Wide rails and narrow roads

"Never let bad past experiences keep you from your future." I was told that this past week. Still not really sure what God is trying to say to me specifically but I'm muddling through the deep phrases of my heart to figure it out. I know that there are some things....pshaw....A LOT of things I need to let go of. I won't be 100% happy till I do. It's just hard...harder still holding on to things that I have no business holding onto. Shrug.
Thursday I had to deal with one of my campers getting sick. Honestly it was one of the proudest moments I've had since I went to camp. Pretty much I've felt like a complete failure as a employee, a teacher, a friend and a Christian. Stupid I know but when you go into a new area in your life where everything is new and everything you thought you knew come to find out you really didn't. Well, that can throw anyone on the self-esteem loop. Anyway, I remembered the wonderful training my parents gave me in the ways of preparing for throw up. hahaha Nausea+tears= trash can with a plastic bag. Thankfully the only vomit I had to deal with was throwing the bag away. She felt better and it was my night off so I came back to Kerrville for a little while to take care of some business. Well, as I was walking up to my cabin I specifically remember thinking, "oh the lights are off....gotta be quiet when I walk in so as to not wake the girls...sigh." (the sigh was a pleasant one. lol) So I QUIETLY open my extremely squeaky door and all I hear is......"KATHLEEEEEEN!" hahaha Needless to say I was pretty surprised. Come to find out and remember I have 10 yr olds. Wonderful girls who feel that the slightest thing that they don't plan for is the end of the world....One of the girls pulled the shower rod down on her head. We all had a pretty good laugh because this poor child is quite accident prone. She's hit her head several times already and I even jokingly told her to keep her horseback riding helmet on at all times just to protect her head. Anywho then come to find out this self-same girl gave away our last roll of toilet paper. Why she did such a thing I shall never know. Out of the kindness of her heart toward the poor camper asking for some? Perhaps but I kinda wish she had kept some of that kindness for her own cabin. ;) So I went down to get more. Slammed the door into another door accidently. Nearly made my heart stop. All I could think of was, "Oh my word I woke the dead and they're gonna be maaaad." hahahahahaha Once again, dumb thought but when it's 11:00 at night in an abandonded room where only cobwebs and toilet paper lives you might think the same thing. I book it back to my room with enough toilet paper to last three weeks and get every calm and in bed. Then.........more vomiting. I take care of that and everyone finally falls asleep. THEN I wake to the sound of squeaky door opening and I jerk my head up thinking the Heads are coming to tell me I did something wrong. It wasn't. It was one of the other counselors who was supposed to be watching my girls while I was off but totally forgot. In near tears she apologizes for the complete laps of remembering after which I told her everything was ok and that a Heart Lite covered for me afterall. She left and my first night of craziness ended in blessed sleep. Somehow I was able to sleep with the deep satisfaction that I handled it all very well and that my mothering skills were well learned from playing house as a girl. ;)
I now officially think that the key to being a good mother is humor. If you can laugh about it then you can deal with the big stuff properly. Now I don't mean laugh about EVERYTHING. There are some things that kids do that just aren't funny but those mishaps that just happen...like a curtain rod falling (with no one getting hurt) and the bathroom becoming flooded or your kid using the last of the toilet paper and not telling you...those things....just laugh. You'll show your kids that you don't sweat the small stuff and in the end I honestly think that they'll respect and enjoy your company more. (Although sometimes this is easier said than done. lol)

Every mile a memory

So today was our first day of classes. It's been pretty hectic but fun. :) I have first period off which is nice for quiet time and just relaxing a little before the craziness of the day. After that I go to the office and work for the next 3 classes. I really enjoy it. I'm really getting to expand my resume and develop my understanding of Webpages. Just to name a few. ;) I reviving my receptionist skills. I'm super happy about that. All this texting has destroyed them. lol The girls here are so sweet and honestly many of them have stolen my heart. It's great seeing them in an enviroment that allows them to be themselves. No impressing boys or feeling as if they have to prove something to their parents. Several times I just have to stop and watch my girls in my cabin as they interact. They say some of the sweetest things to each and are so openly accepting. It just stops me in my tracks. How many adults have forgotten how to let other people in? I know I do. Well, after my office period I have lunch and then siesta. :) I love siesta. hahaha Then I teach choir, sewing, arts & crafts and Bible Study. Not all in one day mind you. Two on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and the other two on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. I think I already have to get my choir girls ready for a performance next Sunday. I'm a little worried but if I can find an easy song we should be able to pull it off. Maybe Amazing Grace if there isn't a special request. :) That's always a pretty/easy one. Sigh. I'm listening to some old country (well, old as in Mud On The Tire, Tonight I Wanna Cry, and etc.) Those songs always take me back to High School before the drama. lol Well, I'm off to listen to my girls cheer with their tribes.

Inward peace in the outward turmoil

So I've been given my camper assignments and my four classes to teach. I'm pretty freaking excited. I'll be teaching choir, sewing, crafts and Bible study. I hope girls sign up for the Bible study. I really need it. That kind of responsibility and leadership. I'm not scared of teaching choir any more. I'm borrowing some really great selections of music that I really feel the girls will love. Plus several of them are ones I know already so that makes it easier on me. :) Sigh. Things are looking up finally. I've felt so incredibly lonely and homesick the past couple of weeks. I feel silly saying that considering I've lived away from home for two years now and many times forget to call my parents every week. I don't know. I think part of it is the utter lack of cell phone service and the inability to hear my parents voices. Who knew that one aspect of a relationship could mean so much in a relationship? I've really been struggling with my faith and where I am in God's sight. So much trash has occurred since January in my life- either from my own selfishness or from the selfishness of others. There are not enough words to express how ashamed and sorry I am for everything I've done...or didn't do for that matter. Yet, I'm re-discovering the love of Christ. The church is doing a summer video series with Joyce Meyers talking about never giving up. Oh my word how badly I needed to hear what was said Wednesday night. I have put all my expectations in people and have been sorely disappointed and hurt. Now in no way am I saying I'm completely innocent. If my life had been right with God none of this would have happened. Hmmm. Perhaps I should just type up my notes from Wednesday night. Yup, I just might do that. One thing that I really needed to hear and am working so hard to make true is that this summer is the time for my faith to become real. No more holding on to my parents faith tails. No more depending on others to do what only God can do 24/7. As my dad says, I need to get close to Jesus and allow Him to become real in me, near me, with me. I'm just so thankful for it all. If I put my expectations in God I will never devastated...disappointed? Maybe. But never devastated. Sigh. That's all. :)