Inward peace in the outward turmoil

So I've been given my camper assignments and my four classes to teach. I'm pretty freaking excited. I'll be teaching choir, sewing, crafts and Bible study. I hope girls sign up for the Bible study. I really need it. That kind of responsibility and leadership. I'm not scared of teaching choir any more. I'm borrowing some really great selections of music that I really feel the girls will love. Plus several of them are ones I know already so that makes it easier on me. :) Sigh. Things are looking up finally. I've felt so incredibly lonely and homesick the past couple of weeks. I feel silly saying that considering I've lived away from home for two years now and many times forget to call my parents every week. I don't know. I think part of it is the utter lack of cell phone service and the inability to hear my parents voices. Who knew that one aspect of a relationship could mean so much in a relationship? I've really been struggling with my faith and where I am in God's sight. So much trash has occurred since January in my life- either from my own selfishness or from the selfishness of others. There are not enough words to express how ashamed and sorry I am for everything I've done...or didn't do for that matter. Yet, I'm re-discovering the love of Christ. The church is doing a summer video series with Joyce Meyers talking about never giving up. Oh my word how badly I needed to hear what was said Wednesday night. I have put all my expectations in people and have been sorely disappointed and hurt. Now in no way am I saying I'm completely innocent. If my life had been right with God none of this would have happened. Hmmm. Perhaps I should just type up my notes from Wednesday night. Yup, I just might do that. One thing that I really needed to hear and am working so hard to make true is that this summer is the time for my faith to become real. No more holding on to my parents faith tails. No more depending on others to do what only God can do 24/7. As my dad says, I need to get close to Jesus and allow Him to become real in me, near me, with me. I'm just so thankful for it all. If I put my expectations in God I will never devastated...disappointed? Maybe. But never devastated. Sigh. That's all. :)