Love, happiness and a blanket of God.....

Doesn't that just sound yummy??? Oh.....goodness....I was so happy and I still am but I'm scared too. Scared of God. I don't feel that certain peace that should evade my heart when I think about Him. I've done some things I shouldn't have. I've become someone I'm not. Yet, the dumb part is I don't even truly know who I am...so how can I know that I've become what I'm not?.....Does it make sense?....I am who I am....I what I want...But at the same time....I know this is not what God wants for me. My life is not my own. I can't live it the way I want to. I have to take these feelings in hand. I have to learn to control my emotions. Hmph....my parents have been telling me that as long as I can remember. I never listened to them....until now. I need to be saved. That's what I'm starting to realize. I need to be saved from myself. It's like that verse in Romans....."oh what wretched man that I am, who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God- through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin." This is not to say I've lost something....in fact I feel that to some extent I've gained something. Oh please don't let my life be a waste....I'm scared that my experiences....my risks....my hurts....will all turn out to be a pointless waste of time. I don't know why that makes me soooo fearful. ("run with me, dream with me, pray with me, fall on me") That in the end.....I will not have become a better person for my pain...instead I will be bitter and mean. I don't know! I truly don't know why I'm scared....I just know I am. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of love, joy, a of sound mind." Sigh...how I wish I could be promised things.....how I wish I could make promises without fear of breaking them. Lord, cover me. Save me from myself. "I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile. We'll get through tomorrow somehow today. Happy after. Once upon these days." "Be my covering." There's just some things I need saving from. Why does the flesh rule our lives? I need God's grace to get me through the days. He will be there for me. Praise the Lord! I am not alone in this world...spiritually. I need to grow in God's grace and knowledge. This will happen! We will get through and persevere! For nothing is impossible with God. Amen and amen.......So goodnight sweet precious world.....for tomorrow is another day and another chance to learn.