Ok. So I've just bought a book called "Beside Every Good Man" by Serita Ann Jakes (wife of T.D. Jakes.) I'm only a few pages into it and already had to stop so I could process the information. So I'm going to adress two issues right here because you're probably wondering them. 1. Why am I reading a book about being a supportive wife when I am not a wife? and 2. Why I already had to stop reading to blog my thoughts?
In response to your first assumed question- well, I've realized something. I'm TERRIFIED that I'm going to get a divorce. Now I know you're probably sitting there thinking, "well Kathleen if you marry the man that God has for you it won't be a problem." You're right. It shouldn't be. But even still I know that I have issues when it comes to relating to men that will cause problems throughout my life. So I'm trying to read books that can give me Godly insight on how to better relate to men, how to establish strong relationships and realize who I am away from men and close to God. If you've read my previous blogs you can tell (I think) that I've been struggling with things. Well as an update/explanation for the first time last night, I think, I prayed that God's will be done in my life. For the first time in a while I actually became scared that what I think I want might actually be God's will! Retarded. I know. That's Kathleen for ya. But the fact is.....I PRAYED FOR God's will IN MY LIFE! It's a freeing thought to know that I'm on the right track. That I'm taking steps forward in my walk with God, small as they may be. Sigh. Let's pray that I keep walking forward and not slip back into disrepair cause Satan is flippin' over this. Idiot. Ugh. Anyway....
On to the second question.
So why did I have to stop reading to write this rather extensive blog? I've realize something. Oh man. This is big. Probably not to you but to me...this epiphany....is huge. My relationships are directly affected by my relationship (or lack thereof) with God. I MUST stand alone with God before I can truly offer myself as a Godly wife. Holy freakin' cow! I mean seriously! I can't even begin to tell you what this does to my heart, mind, body, soul. One thing I can say- it's not exactly a....jumping for joy moment. I knew this summer was going to be good for something. ;) God is going to move in my life this summer and beyond. You have no idea how....anxious..... I am to see the finished product. Even though we're never truly finished becoming who God has created us to be. "Count it pure joy when the world comes crashing. Hold your head up and keep on dancing." Anyway. Since I can't truly explain how I'm feeling I'm going to stop trying. :) Love you and be blessed by this one life God has given! Goodnight!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment