So I've just read my posts from as far back as January. Wow. That's all I can say. It makes me sad to see the downward spiral my life has taken. I hate that I was so "strong" and now I'm so "weak." Oh how to change the drastic change? How do I grasp onto that faith and hope and love and contentment again? How do I become the person I no longer am? Questions that I know the answers to I just don't want to put the work into it. Hm...I think I'm finally learning what it means to have a personal relationship with God....a relationship outside of the comfort of a home where your father is a pastor....a relationship outside of the church you've grown up in since you were 6.....a relationship outside of the town you've lived in almost all your life. These struggles don't make me horrible or less of a Christian....they make me human. Yet, I know that I can't sit here and blog about these things without making them a part of my life. Action is the only thing that will fix this. So that's what I need to pray for- that God will give me the gumption to act.
On a side note- mainly writing this because I'm bored and it is now sufficiently stuck in my head.... I started reading "New Moon" by Stephenie Meyer again. It's about vampires for anyone who hasn't read it yet. Now once again before you freak out on me....there is not horrible gore or stupidness....or well much of anything....mainly because the vampires in this book are different. They don't suck human blood. Gasp! I know! What an amazing twist! haha....ANYWAY. But the point is- these people/vampires are turned into vampires. They do not become evil in and of themselves. Not only that but they train themselves to work AGAINST their nature, to defy the senses and all expectations. Doesn't that remind you of real people? Now I know I'm digging WAY too deep into a book that was written for pure pleasure but still. It's an interesting thought that I won't finish. ;) But now its out of my mind and on this blog. haha....thanks for understanding.....
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