Speaking tongue-tied.

So I have finally met the perfect family. Not really but it certainly appears that way from the outside looking in. Haha...I almost don't want to blog anymore. If you want to read about some amazing people just message me and I will direct you to them because you won't find them here on mine. Blah. Oh well. God has given a set of talents to each person and it appears I'm lacking in all meaningful creative things. I'm good at being self-absorbed though.....do you think God would give someone that kind of talent? hrm. Thought to ponder. Anyway. On to my life. That's hasn't been documented on here for a month now. :S

The last month of my freshman year was an exciting but stressful mix of new relationships, skipping class, nearly failing classes, getting a new job, learning how to let go of some stupidity that had become part of my life due to my own selfishness and figuring out my relationship with God.

On the subject of new relationships- he's an amazing mix of different and same-ness. He was a friend before we ever tried to establish anything. Hallelujah. He's in a band and not just a band but a rock band. Despite the fact that I'm not a huge fan of hard music that I find difficult to understand...this band is different......he has an amazing voice with which he accentuates by using clear diction (I'm not a choir nerd....) and writes truly wonderful/amazing/moving songs. He treats me well and we're friends....honestly right now that's all I need.

Classes were ugh. I'm having to pray about my lack of drive when it comes to grades, homework, and my life in general. I just didn't care. My IS class was an 8 o'clock class that taught you how to use Word. Seriously, how many people DON'T know how to use Word?! Sheesh. It was more than that but at the same time it strangely wasn't. My history class was easy. I only read like 6 chapter the entire semester. That was nice. But at the same time I'm ashamed about it because I didn't learn much of anything substantial. Talk about seeing how little I could do to get by. Sigh. My fitness class was ok in the end. I'm glad that I had the professor I did now. He expected us to actually....gasp....work out for our grade! At first I liked that fact, then I started to resent it, but now I appreciate it. I'm even running/walking two miles several times a week. (Although that might sadly change due to Wal-Mart quickly taking over my life in the next week.....sad day.) I feel good when I think about running or actually go running because I know I'm finally doing something good for my body. Choir is now non-existent. I'm glad but at the same time sad. I love singing but I hate the politics of choir. Anyway. Moving on....

I'm so excited about my new work study job next semester and my position on the Judicial Board! yeah....so far that's all I can say about those two subjects....I have dreams to do special things with both positions but I don't want to get ahead of myself. :)

Oh dear me, letting go. So I've finished this past week two books on understanding men and how they think. "The Care and Proper Feeding of Husbands" and "Women Only" were written by two complete different women but talk about the same exact subjects. It was pretty amazing. I can't even begin to explain how amazing these two books are. I sincerely advise EVERY woman to read them. So I've been trying really hard to let go of my warped view of men and realize how men really think and live and feel. I've decided I'm not going to go into it. Its something that can only be appreciated in deed. Words don't mean much in this area. I read once that words are like a whisper but actions are like a thunderclap. I like that. There's so much truth in it.

Now on to the one subject I can't even begin to express properly. I don't read my Bible or pray like I should....in other words.....not at all. I hate it. I think a huge part of it is that I'm terrified that God is going to ask me to do something that 1. I can't and/or 2. I won't want to. As the pastor's daughter I am I know that God will work in me to will and do His good pleasure and that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. Yet, I'm terrified to let go and let God. The hardest thing for me to do right now is to trust God. To trust that this- invisible to the human eye- being has my best interest at heart and that everything He has planned for my life is better than what I want or could have planned. I'm so scared, terrified even, that the life I'm living is completely and entirely wrong. That the friends I have are wrong. The school I'm going to is wrong. The major I'm thinking about is wrong. The questions I'm thinking are wrong. I'm scared that I'm just...wrong. Silly to anyone reading this probably but its real in my mind and heart. I just need to figure out what why I'm here. There are things that I'm 95% sure of:
1. I'm a Christian.
2. I'm supposed to go to Paris/Europe
3. I'm going to either adopt or become a foster parent.
4. I want to help people with their problems.
But other than that....I'm lost. So this summer is going to be about finding myself as defined by God......Sheesh....Just saying that makes me want to run and hide. Sigh.

So that's a brush-up on the life of me. I'm off to find myself. :) Be back soon!