Full....

Of thoughts. I don't even know what's going on. I want so much but I'm scared of the very things I want. Sigh. It's sad because my life is not my own...but I want it to be. I'm tired of living my life in relation to this world...and not getting anything for it. Why do I have to care about anything? I keep seeing myself dancing free under the stars....arms thrown out....just twirling.....as someone sits there watching my silliness but loving it all the same....haha....Its a silly dream. I know. But I want it so badly. There's a song by Blue October with a line in it that says "I only want you to see my farorite part of me....and not my ugly side." How pathetically true. I've noticed when I show my "ugly" side people can't accept it....So I've learned to not show it. Build walls around your heart.....and build them wider and thicker around the parts that you know people won't like. Hide them....the world has taught us so well. And even Christians fail in that area. We don't accept people as they are anymore than the world accepts us or each other. How sad. How horribly wrong. I'm including myself in this. I've noticed how often I've been talking to people about other girls and I say I don't like them....I don't know why I don't...I don't even know them...I just don't like them. And I'm appaled by my arrogance. I need to get over it and not judge them before I even know them. :S Sigh......Well that's just a look into the psycho mind of Kathleen.....haha....hope you enjoyed it!