Night has fallen.....

It's as if I'm the mythological titan Prometheus but instead of my liver being eater and then restored its my heart being constantly broken...again and again. I wish I was stronger....wiser.....better..... I wish I was good enough. I was doing pretty good until this week. I don't know what happened but something in me has snapped. I need my dad but I'm scared to call him. I just want someone to tell me why God has created me or allowed me to become the way I am. Why God has abandoned me......left me to the devices of people who could care less. The very people I thought I could trust have turned out to be my enemies. I don't understand. I hate it. Why is it that very people that I am called to love as brothers and sisters in Christ turn around and reject me? The very people who are called to love the brethern have rejected me...their sister in Christ..... Which leads me to the question.....why I am I, even as a Christian, not enough for people....even other Christians? Why?! I hate this. This is not how its supposed to be. I know that...there is no doubt in my mind and no one can tell me otherwise. Sigh. Anyone who reads this....and cares.....please pray for me. I can't talk to you in person....its too hard.....but please please pray for me. I'm being fought for by two spiritual forces.....I'm so very very scared that I'm going to screw everything up....or that I already have. Sigh........Well Good night sweet world.........may God bless you...... and answer the questions that are banging on the door of your heart.......