She won't make a sound. Alone in this fight with herself and these fears.

"I beseech you therefore, breathern, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be confomed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is thatgood and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Romans 12:1 & 2

Eep. That's all I can say. For the past three days I've been busy/exhausted/preoccupied with other things to sit down and read my Bible. Well today due to an unexplainable milady that is stupidly keeping me up till 1 in the morning despite the fact I've only had 16 hours of sleep in the past two days in comparison to my normal 24 hours in a 2 day time span. Not only that but I also worked from 9 to 6 on one of the busiest days of the summer....PLUS its a Saturday. Ugh. Standing for that long kills my shoulders (weird huh?) and my poor wacked out feet but I digress. ;)

So I've been struggling with some hurt that's in my heart. I've been rejected and ignored by somepeople and I'm tired of it. I want to lash out. I want to keep quiet and remove myself from their lives. I want to talk to them. I want to hurt them. I know I deserve better treatment but I still care about them. So how do I handle the situation? I don't know. In Romans 12 it, of course, says "Do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written "Vengence in Mine, I will repay," says the Lord." Well ok. So I don't lash out or do anything retarded.....in other words I don't be normal and human. But how much do we take before we let go?? Jesus says we're supposed to forgive 7 times 7 and to "turn the other cheek." But what about boundaries?? Especially in relationships? Sigh I don't know what I need to do....well I know I need to forgive....but what do I do?! Do I talk to them about it? Or do I just leave it alone? Or do I just "ignore" them until they decide to contact me? Ay yi yi. Oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we do deceive. Only I'm not the one deceiving. Sheesh. Well, it says do not conform to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind....then you'll know the will of God. So that's what I'll work on doing. Renewing my mind....staying in the world but not OF the world....Between reading and praying and keeping away from the world I'll figure something out. Hopefully it won't take too long. :S Sigh. Well, dear world, I'm off to sleep. Love you and God bless. Muaw.