......?.......

There is nothing worse than knowing that God won't let you run away....won't let you build a wall.....won't let you stay hidden from the world.....won't let you get mad. No. You have to stay soft, forgive, let go, allow the truth of God's love surround you. Sometimes I just wish I could be like other people and lash out or like even more people who just hide their heart from the world. But I'm not. I just stand there letting my heart be broken again and again. Sigh...people warned me but I thought it would be different. hmm....don't we all think that way. Why do we always assume that our lives are different? That it won't happen to us? It will....oh dear world.....it will. There is nothing that can't happen to you. If God deems it....it will be. The question is did God deem it? Or did Satan come in? Or did your flesh sabatoge the truth? Because not everything that happens is of God. This hurts. Yet.....it gives me a strange sense of hope at the same time. God will work things out. It hurts....yes this hurts. And part of me thinks the whole thing is senseless and selfish....causing confusion and hurt for no true reason. But the decision has been made. So I will learn to live with it. I mean, what else can I do? Nothing. So I will just run to Jesus and fall in love with Him. I will trust that God is preparing me for my future. That none of this is senseless. That He has a purpose for it all. But I do wish I was called away from here. I don't want to sit around waiting for the other foot to drop. The time when someone else is there for them. When my faults are clearly displayed when compared to the other person. Oh well. God knows what He's doing and I just have to believe and trust that. Well good night dear world. Don't be a fool like I was. Learn, live and love.