I'm not who I want to be....

Is that bad? Or is that normal? Sigh. I look at my life and I just know that I'm not who I want to be. I guess the question is...Am I who God wants me to be? Honestly....I don't know. There is nothing in me that I feel is...distinctly me...distinctly special. And special in the sense of a rare jewel...if there is any jewel here its more like a rough topaz....I don't know I'm just struggling with who I am. Why I was created this way. I feel useless. I mean how many people have I affected in a positive way? If there are any....there aren't many. I want my life to have an impact on this world. I don't want to live a life of anonmyity...but I am someone who needs my alone time like we need oxygen to breathe. I'm not someone who never meets a stranger. I'm not who I want to be....and truly its killing me. Because in the end I will choose to be anonymous. THAT is who I am. Just another face in the crowd. Maybe that's what God created me to be. I find it extremly difficult to believe that but God is a God of suprises. Ugh. This is sad. I look ahead and all I see is my failure....whatever. Time to move on and hope that things change. What a joke though. :S